[Mp3] I am not lonely, but I am alone

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This is such a cruel disease – Apart from the medical staff that he saw when he had to, John was alone for a week. I was alone at home, and I’m now alone at home, nobody can give me a hug.

 

I was so fearful for my husband because he did have mild controlled asthma. I’ve since been advised that there was nothing I could’ve done, that I would’ve been infectious long before I knew it and that it was almost inevitable that he would get it. John began to feel unwell.

 

We spent the next few days coping. He was gradually getting worse but not, not too bad. But he was fearful of going to hospital. He was fearful that if he went to, he wouldn’t come out although I kept trying to really show him that wouldn’t be the case.

 

Then at 3 o’clock in the morning, he was having a terrible coughing fit. The ambulance was with us in about 25 minutes. And as I shut the door behind him, it crossed my mind that I might never see him again.

 

On the Saturday, they moved him into the private wing of the hospital, which they were using as a high-dependency unit. On the Wednesday morning, when I phoned to see how he was, they said he was not doing so well. I then said: “If he gets worse, will you ventilate him?” And the nurse said: “We wouldn’t ventilate him, we would be making him comfortable,” which I know, other words they use for palliative care.

 

This was a big shock. I had no idea he was quite that ill. About quarter to 10 at night, the night nurse phoned me. And she said that John had said he had enough. We’re all Christians and he was ready … to go. She said we could have some time together, and then when we were ready, she would take off the CPAP, and his breathing would become more difficult and they would help with medication.

 

And then I, we said goodbye, sort of, and the nurse took the mask off him and gave him some medication. And I was able to hold his hand. I was able to kiss his forehead, as he got more and more distressed. John’s breathing became really, really labored. And it is not a nice quiet way to go. It is not a gentle death to start with.

 

Eventually, I was almost dozing but not quite. And I noticed a change in his breathing. It was less noisy. I pressed the buzzer, and the nurse came in and observed John for a minute. Then there was a slight exhalation. She then put her hand on his chest. And she nodded to me and she said: “Yes, he’s gone.”

 

Apart from the medical staff that he saw when he had to, John was alone for a week. I was alone at home, and I’m now alone at home, nobody can give me a hug. My friends have rallied round. My church and everybody have been fabulous, but nobody can give me a hug.

 

And I’m not lonely. I want to make that clear. I’m not lonely, but I am … alone.

 

Source: BBC News

WORD BANK:

fearful /ˈfɪə.fəl/ [C2] (adj): lo sợ

mild /maɪld/ [C1] (adj): nhẹ

asthma /ˈæs.mə/ (n): hen suyễn

infectious /ɪnˈfek.ʃəs/ [C2] (adj): mang tính lây nhiễm

inevitable /ɪˈnev.ɪ.tə.bəl/ [C1] (adj): không thể tránh khỏi

cope /kəʊp/ [B2] (v): đối phó

coughing fit /ˈkɒf.ɪŋ ˌfɪt/ (n): cơn ho

It crosses my mind that … (expression): tôi chợt nghĩ rằng

high-dependency unit (medical terms): khu chăm sóc tích cực

ventilate /ˈven.tɪ.leɪt/ (v): thông hơi, thông gió

palliative care (medical terms): chăm sóc giảm nhẹ (làm giảm đau đớn và khổ sở cho các bệnh nhân không thể chữa khỏi)

medication /ˌmed.ɪˈkeɪ.ʃən/ [C2] (n): thuốc

sort of /sɔːt/ [B1] (expression): đại loại vậy

distressed /dɪˈstrest/ [C1] (adj): đau khổ, khổ sở

labored /ˈleɪ.bəd/ (adj): nặng nhọc

doze /dəʊz/ (v): ngủ gật, ngủ ngày

buzzer /ˈbʌz.ər/ (n): còi, chuông

exhalation /ˌeks.həˈleɪ.ʃən/ (n): hơi thở, sự thở ra

nod /nɒd/ [B2] (v): gật đầu

rally round sb /ˈræl.i/ (v): thăm hỏi, động  viên

fabulous /ˈfæb.jə.ləs/ (adj): tuyệt vời


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