[Reading level: B2 – Upper Intermediate]
After 10 p.m., Thanh Phat received a message from a female friend saying she was feeling down and needed someone to talk to. He rode his motorbike more than 10 km to a convenience store in District 1, Ho Chi Minh City.
When he arrived, the 22-year-old sat next to her and became her emotional outlet for more than two hours as she vented about the pressure of her internship. Past midnight, he took her home. On the way, she leaned her face against his back and softly said, “No one treats me as well as you do.”
“I felt both happy and sad,” Phat said. “Happy to be the one she trusts and calls when she needs to talk, but sad that our relationship is just that.”
Phat and his friend Truc Binh had known each other for two years. From their first meetings, he was drawn to her charm and grace. It seemed she also had feelings for Phat that “went beyond friendship.”
They changed chat app wallpapers together, gave each other nicknames—things new couples usually do. Four months later, when Phat confessed his feelings, Binh turned him down, saying, “We’re having fun as friends, but if we date, it might fall apart and we could lose even this friendship.”
Phat thought he wasn’t good enough yet or that their feelings hadn’t matured, so he waited for another chance. Since then, he became an unnamed companion.
Phat never left Binh waiting for a message for more than a minute, was always there when she needed her laptop fixed, her bike broke down, or when she had arguments with her best friend. There were days he’d get off work at 11 p.m. but still picked up the phone to listen to her vent.
Recently, when Truc Binh talked about another guy and weighed the pros and cons between them, Phat realized he had only ever been a “spare tire” over the past two years—a stand-in when her “main pick” wasn’t around. “I thought persistence would pay off, but the truth was much harsher,” he said.
Phat had this realization after he accidentally found a pair of theater tickets that Binh had invited him to use the week before. They had originally been bought for someone else, but when that person couldn’t make it, he took their place.
His friends called him a typical “Michelin boy,” a Gen Z nickname for guys who always show up at the right time, are willing to help and listen, occasionally receive affectionate gestures, but are never chosen as a romantic partner. The term comes from the tire brand Michelin, likening these men to “spare tires” used only when the “main tire” is unavailable.
But Truc Binh isn’t the only girl with a “spare tire.” A 2014 survey by market research company OnePoll.com found that 50% of British women admitted to having at least one “spare tire,” usually an ex or someone who once had romantic interest in them.
A 2020 study published in the journal Psychology Today reported that around 20% of American women in relationships still had a “plan B,” often maintained through social media or text messages. The main reasons included feeling secure (60%), fear of getting hurt (25%), and the desire for better options (15%).
In Vietnam, the keyword “Michelin boy” appears on nearly every social media platform, attracting millions of views and comments. The phrase is widely used within the Gen Z community.
Dao Le Tam An, a doctoral researcher in psychology at Ho Chi Minh City University of Education, said many people confuse a “spare tire” with a close friend because the outward behaviors are quite similar.
They’re always there when the girl needs them—when she’s sad, for rides, meals, or emotional support. Essentially, both roles provide companionship in her life journey.
People who play the “spare tire” role often want to prove they are good enough to be trusted and chosen, but this is a mistake because such devotion is one-sided. “If you enter a relationship where someone feels entitled to judge your affection, it’s unlikely to last. This kind of relationship shouldn’t continue because it will cause deep emotional harm,” An explained.
Hong Dang, 26, admitted he was also a “spare” after three years by Phuong Thao’s side.
“She’s strong-willed, kind, and very independent,” Dang said. “But every time I confessed, she either stayed silent or changed the subject.” He reassured himself, thinking she was still hurt from a relationship 4 years ago and tried to prove his love.
Every morning, Dang took her to work, frequently brought breakfast, bubble tea, and came over to hang out. Phuong Thao never objected or rejected his care. They spent hours talking about school and work, occasionally holding hands or linking arms, but never talked about love.
One day, Thao suddenly reconciled with her ex-boyfriend, shocking Dang. He felt bitter seeing her post a bouquet of flowers and tag her partner in a story. “I realized I had just been her backup plan during lonely times,” he said.
Bao Ngoc, 28, an office worker in District 3, Ho Chi Minh City, believes it’s normal for women to have “backup options.” Last year, even while dating someone, she regularly texted, grabbed coffee with a male coworker and a male best friend. They never crossed the line of friendship. Ngoc didn’t update her relationship status on Facebook or Instagram, and only told the truth if asked directly.
“Women have the right to explore and choose who is truly good and compatible,” Ngoc said. “Maintaining a few connections helps soften the blow in case of a breakup.”
Psychologist Tam An believes that relationships where one side plays the “spare tire” role show signs of toxicity. They plant a “seed” of hope in the other person, but in reality, it’s a seed of despair that will never sprout.
“A healthy relationship is not just about love but is also shown in the way people get to know each other and how they end things,” An said.
If there’s a lack of clarity from the start, the relationship easily becomes imbalanced—when one person gives willingly, and the other decides whether or not to respond. This leads to inequality, especially when one becomes a “backup” or is kept waiting indefinitely.
According to him, everyone should set clear boundaries in terms of time and specific actions during the early stages of getting to know someone.
“This not only protects your emotions but also lays a fair and respectful foundation if the relationship progresses,” the expert said.
* Names in the article have been changed.
Source: https://vnexpress.net/tinh-yeu-kieu-lop-du-phong-4891084.html?utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=fanpage_VnE&utm_campaign=tienngo&utm_term=photo&fbclid=IwY2xjawK0kJlleHRuA2FlbQIxMABicmlkETFwODZ0Y1ZsOUx4ZnBxTk50AR5ujzpTJPAo65QWAP3ivNWZeJFH54iIfMak9VTlPZtTRfMDL9v-VTXmMacE_A_aem_vjiHxS2dNahYbgGsAz2F7w
WORD BANK:
spare tire /sper ˈtaɪr/ – (n): lốp dự phòng
feel down /fiːl daʊn/ – (phr v): buồn
emotional outlet /ɪˈmoʊ.ʃən.əl ˈaʊt.let/ – (n): nơi xả bức xúc
vent about sth /vent əˈbaʊt ˌsʌm.θɪŋ/ – (phr v): than thở về cái gì
lean /liːn/ [B2] (v): dựa vào
be drawn to sb/sth /bi drɔn tu/ – (phr v): bị thu hút bởi ai/cái gì
charm /tʃɑːrm/ [B2] (n): sự quyến rũ
grace /ɡreɪs/ [C1] (n): sự duyên dáng
have feelings for sb /hæv ˈfiː.lɪŋz fɔr/ – (phr): có tình cảm với ai
wallpaper /ˈwɑːlˌpeɪ.pɚ/ – (n): hình nền
confess one’s feelings /kənˈfes wʌnz ˈfiː.lɪŋz/ – (v phr): tỏ tình
turn sb down /tɝːn ˈsʌm.bə.di daʊn/ [B2] (phr v): từ chối ai
fall apart /fɑːl əˈpɑːrt/ – (phr v): tan vỡ
mature /məˈtʊr/ [B2] (adj): chín muồi
unnamed companion /ʌnˈneɪmd kəmˈpæn.jən/ – (n): người đồng hành không danh phận
get off work /ɡet ɔːf wɝːk/ – (phr v): tan ca
stand-in /ˈstænd.ɪn/ – (n): kẻ thay thế, người thế chỗ người khác khi người đó không thể có mặt
persistence /pɚˈsɪs.təns/ [C1] (n): sự kiên trì
pay off /peɪ ɔːf/ – (phr v): đem lại kết quả tốt
affection /əˈfek.ʃən/ [C1] (n): tình cảm
affectionate /əˈfek.ʃən.ət/ [C1] (adj): thân mật
gesture /ˈdʒes.tʃɚ/ [B2] (n): hành động
liken sb/sth to sb/sth /ˈlaɪ.kən tuː/ – (v phr): ví ai/cái gì như ai/cái gì
admit to doing sth /ədˈmɪt tuː ˈduː.ɪŋ/ [B2] (phr v): thừa nhận làm gì
desire for /dɪˈzaɪr fɔːr/ – (n phr): mong muốn điều gì
outward /ˈaʊt.wɚd/ [C1] (adj): bên ngoài
companionship /kəmˈpæn.jən.ʃɪp/ – (n): sự đồng hành
devotion /dɪˈvoʊ.ʃən/ [C1] (n): sự tự nguyện
one-sided /ˌwʌnˈsaɪ.dɪd/ – (adj): một chiều
entitled to do sth /ɪnˈtaɪ.t̬əld tuː duː/ – (phr): có quyền làm gì
strong-willed /ˌstrɑːŋˈwɪld/ – (adj): cá tính
reassure /ˌriː.əˈʃʊr/ [C1] (v): trấn an
object sth /əbˈdʒekt/ [B2] (v): phản đối điều gì
reject sb /rɪˈdʒekt/ [B2] (v): từ chối ai
link arms /lɪŋk ɑːrmz/ – (v phr): khoác vai
reconcile with sb /ˈrek.ən.saɪl wɪð/ – (v phr): làm lành với ai
bitter /ˈbɪt̬.ɚ/ [B2] (adj): cay đắng
a bouquet of flowers /boʊˈkeɪ əv ˈflaʊ.ɚz/ – (n): bó hoa
backup plan /ˈbæk.ʌp plæn/ – (n): phương án dự phòng
cross the line /krɔːs ðə laɪn/ – (phr): vượt quá giới hạn
compatible /kəmˈpæt̬.ə.bəl/ [C1] (adj): phù hợp
soften the blow /ˈsɑː.fən ðə bloʊ/ – (idiom): làm giảm sự tổn thương
toxicity /tɑːkˈsɪs.ə.t̬i/ [C2] (n): sự độc hại
despair /dɪˈsper/ [C1] (n): sự tuyệt vọng
sprout /spraʊt/ [C1] (v): nảy mầm
clarity /ˈkler.ə.t̬i/ [C1] (n): sự minh bạch, sự rõ ràng
willingly /ˈwɪl.ɪŋ.li/ [B2] (adv): một cách tự nguyện
indefinitely /ɪnˈdef.ən.ət.li/ [C1] (adv): vô thời hạn
set a boundary /set ə ˈbaʊn.dri/ – (phr): đặt ranh giới
fair /fer/ [B1] (adj): công bằng
progress /ˈprɑː.ɡres/ [B2] (v): tiến triển
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